“Never say no to your husband….

19 05 2010

…. if you want to maintain peace in your life and don’t want to lose him”. That’s a very typical advice given to a girl (atleast in India) about to get married. I guess it sums up the whole attitude towards marriage. And picking up from Chandni’s , shows the before and after divide she has so well talked about. Her post prompted me to write my first post. Thanks Chandni.

Right from how to eat, how to behave, what to wear to what NOT to wear, where to visit, whom you are supposed to talk to, where to celebrate festivals (I could go on)… it’s is very normal to expect that the girl with “adapt” and “conform” to the new way of living. No one even cares to think what she might want to do. As if she ceases to be as a person!

And trust me; it isn’t very easy to live with this mindset, to keep on justifying yourself, with people around you judging you always. It’s easy to say we don’t care what others think about us or what do they comment. I am not changing my way of life for them, but sometimes it hurts. It hurts to know that you will never be accepted as who you are or as what you think and feel, but your whole identity is reduced to being someone’s wife and the “bahu” of some family.

I have always taken almost all major and minor decisions in my life on my own, including whom to marry, what to eat, what to study, what to wear etc etc. And I thank my parents for making me the independent person I am today.  They never made decisions for me, just showed me the pros and cons of what I planned to do, and always said they themselves are not perfect, so I should take my decisions on my own. And that’s something I am very proud of. I am responsible for what I do, so I can’t blame anyone if anything goes wrong. It’s my life after all and no one else can live it for me.

Marriage is something very important in my life, but not the beginning and end of it. Just like various people, events and circumstances shape who you are, marriage is one such thing. Some have a deeper impact on you, some not. But to expect that marriage has to change you or has to redefine your purpose of life, it’s utterly ridiculous.

I would say, it’s not wrong if marriage completely changes you, but that should be your own choice and not someone else’s expectation. Marriage shouldn’t be over rated.

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One response

19 05 2010
chandni

well said! and welcome to the world of blogging 🙂

keep writing! See you around 😀

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